We are a broken people

       While praying before falling asleep this evening, a concept formed in my mind and it was so clear and so reaffirming that I had to get up write about it. I have always struggled with the fact that I have not "received" God's healing from my depression. Its always been a sore spot. I feel like with this depression I can not be as successful, or smart, or a good wife (and later a mother!). Its like the depression hangs over my head constantly reminding me that I am not 'whole' or that I am letting somebody down because I often have bouts of bad days, random crying spells, because I have to fight depression all the time. While praying I realized that I needed to accept the fact that I not been miraculously healed of depression. I was reminded of something Henri Nouwen said in his book "The Wounded Healer" (and I am paraphrasing his concept): "we are a humanity of broken people. The fact is that sin is in our world, it's pervasive. and because of that sin, we can never be completely 'whole' and truly 'healed'. We need to understand and accept the fact that in this time, we will never see our brokenness completely fixed. Only when Jesus comes again can that healing be fulfilled." Now he's not saying that miracles can't happen and that God doesn't grant healing to believers as he sees fit, Nouwen is just reminding us of the simple fact about our nature. People are quick to point to the effects of the fall in the garden of eden when it comes to sociopaths, crime, etc. Why not realize it also applies to mental health! WE ARE A BROKEN PEOPLE.
         But it doesn't just end there. I needed to be able to finally truly and without a doubt accept and verbalize the fact that I am broken, that I might not find true healing while on this earth, but that ITS OKAY. Wow. It was like a whole new world opened up. I was comforted in knowing that no I might not receive healing now, but I most definitely will when Christ comes again. And that just because I am broken (just like everyone else) and that my brokenness mainly takes the form of depression, it doesn't mean or dictate that I cannot be anything less to others or to God. I can be whatever I want, and I can do whatever I want just as successfully as if I didn't have depression. albeit it will probably take a lot more hard work, but I can still do it. This 'brokenness' is only something I carry while here. I know when Christ comes I won't have anymore pain, or tears, or bad days and that my heart will be full of joy always. That is something looking forward to!
       Accepting and believing and even being able to articulate to God that I was okay with not being healed right now, that I accept whenever He chooses to heal me  - either at some future date or when He returns - and that I will wait for that date, whenever it might be, was the key to the hope that I now feel. There is hope in knowing that I will be healed, maybe not know, but at some point. And power in knowing that this mental illness is only another form of my broken and sinful nature. And excitement in knowing that I don't have to let this hinder me in any way. I can be God's instrument with or without healing. And to some degree, at least in this moment, it gives me hope and encouragement to fight through the depression episodes that I know are going to rear their ugly heads again at some time.

So what is the moral of the story? Understand that a belief of "healing" in the form of being whole and completely put together (however that looks to you) is not possible in our current sinful natures. We are broken. But we don't need to let that fact hold us back. Do what you can while remembering that you may not achieve all. And most importantly strive for what is ahead. Fight for the end goal - wholeness in all it's forms when Christ returns for us once and for all!!!