Life Changes that won't Change

For the last while, I have wanted to make some changes in how I live my daily life. I want to be healthier both physically and spiritually. I want to loose those extra pounds that have been sneaking up on my for the last few years. I want to start daily spending time reading my bible and praying. This is something that I have wanted to do for months. Yet I can't seem to actually accomplish it, which leaves me feeling very frustrated and discouraged. To the point that I have almost given up on trying. There is no joy in what I am doing. So how, then, can I implement something into my life when I get no joy (or at the very least satisfaction) from it? My latest attempt at exercising was to go and buy a swimming pass at the local pool. I used to love to swim and thought that if I got back to doing that, I would enjoy it and get some exercise. Thats not the case. Instead, I have been battling with myself to get up earlier in the morning and actually head to the pool to do the swim. I am not a morning person. Never have been. This is not working. Yet its either that or swim during supper time or at 9pm. Which doesn't seem like the best times either because we are usually in bed by 9:30pm and supper time is well - supper time! And I would never be relaxed enough to sleep right after swimming. Its making me so mad! It would be nice to get into a routine. Unfortunately, my work schedule makes that a bit harder and I have no idea what school/practicum is going to bring for hours.

A Prickly Pear

I am struggling to day with being bitter and feeling like a prickly pear. It seems like everything I try to do is thrown back in my face or I am left feeling unheard or wrong in the stance I have taken. I wonder how much of this feeling I am actually entitled to or how much I am making it up. Maybe its just that there have been a lot of situations that have all happened around the same time, but still. Am I really on the wrong path? Is there something other's see in me that I don't see in myself that is bad or wrong? There must be cause there are so many people, some of which are supposed to be "family" who think so. Can someone tell me what exactly it is that I am doing wrong?